Column 3 – Part 2

Same old song and dance

I now assume this story is pretty common. Two kids who think their feelings are above reality go off to school and try to survive a long distance relationship. But what they don’t understand that people grow in college, most of the time into different people.

I had to break up with a girl one time, but it was two and half year shorter relationship.

No, in fact, the girl that was broken up with in this story, well, it was me. I just told the story from the other point of view to really show you what I went through.

The after effects

My world was torn apart after that day. I said all those nasty things. I begged to be taken back. In the end, I didn’t know where to go or who to turn to.

I still had all of my friends, I hadn’t made the mistake of pushing them aside during for my relationship. But I found that they could not help me, and neither could their words.

The pain grew, exponentially, with no end in sight.

I felt alone. I wanted to talk to someone who had the exact same thing happen to them and see to what the future held. I wanted to see where this nightmare would end and, more importantly, when. I had nothing. I had built all my interests around this girl. Everything I did was to be with her, and for her. I became even more bitter and started to think of ending my own life.

I had loved her and had pictured being with her forever. That is how serious I thought I was with her.

Much later on

You will be happy to know that things got better. I started to date six months later. In retrospect that seems really soon, but at the time, it felt like the most excruciating six months of my life.

For some people, being in a long term relationship with someone feels weird. For me, not having someone felt wrong. I came to realize that I depended on her too much, and now I had to do something about it.

I made a ton of plans. I leaned on my friends heavily. I tried new things, things I never had the desire to do before. But, stupidly, it was all so I could meet someone else, and put off finding out who I was without her.

That first relationship I had after the first six months, ended in three weeks. It couldn’t have lasted, all I did was compare the new girl to the old one. I had another relationship that lasted about three real months and then summer came and it became another long distance relationship. I had not the balls to inflict the same wounds on another person, but eventually, I did.

Getting my bearings back

It was a year later, I was still very angry, but my self confidence was almost back. It also was the summer from hell. I was living in Grand Haven and working over 70 hours a week. I was exhausted, but I was feeling free. I was experimenting. I went for a new look. I got a tattoo, and an earring. Anything to forget who I used to be. I got a job downtown at the ice cream shop to meet more girls.

All the while looking for something that I couldn’t grasp. I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted a long term relationship again. I just had this feeling that I would never be able to totally forget the old girlfriend. I couldn’t do that when every where I looked I saw memories of her. I thought I needed to get back to school. But what it turned out to be was someone a million times more wonderful to help me the final distance out of my dark tunnel.

Enter Sarah Chapman.

Sarah is the most amazing person you will ever meet. There are two people I can tell you that I am still friends with from seventh grade, and she’s one of them. When I met her in seventh grade, I immediately was a little taken with her because I was still relatively new to Grand Haven, and I knew what it felt like to move to a new place. Plus, she was a cutie.

We stayed friends through high school. I was in that long term relationship but Sarah never really dated anyone seriously. She had a couple of short relationships that didn’t fit. She was kind of weird, and never seemed interested in boys to begin with.

Back to the summertime. We started to talk about what might happen if we went out on a date. I had always liked Sarah, but felt we were too
extremely opposite to ever work. But I thought I’d take my chances, and we kissed for the first time.

Sarah is the most giving and patient person you will ever meet. She is intoxicating. If you talk to her for five minutes, you will want to take her home to Mom, bake her some cookies, and braid her hair.

She was there for me

Sarah was the girl that listened to all my struggles that I was still having a couple years later with this breakup. She knows every painful detail. I am sure she didn’t want to know so much, it probably hurt her at times, but she supported me through it all.

Slowly, the wound began to heal, and the pain subsided. It took a year being in a relationship with her to totally forget that I was ever in another long term relationship.

Our history together allowed us to skip the awkward stages. I found that her passive attitude did not translate to our relationship, or to me. She made me aware of her strong feelings very early on and gave me love when I had none to return. She made me feel needed, and wanted. I had found that thing I was looking for and in 9 months I knew that we would be going the long haul.

What I learned

I became a different person in some ways, but I am still the same in a lot of ways. I am more aware of my shortcomings. I prayed during that time for someone, for someone who would look past my imperfections and see me for my strong qualities. I was convinced the other girl rejected my qualities for what they were. Not that she rejected them because she was mature enough to know that in the long run our differences would cause some serious problems.

God gave me Sarah, and fulfilled my prayers beyond my wildest dreams. She loved me for all my faults. Her take charge attitude about her feelings for me was what made our relationship work.

She poured her love into me, hoping eventually that she would get it back. I thought I took a risk. But it was really her taking a chance. There were no guarantees I would ever see past my pain,and fully return her love.

I was right, we are really different. We are so different that it causes a lot of problems in how we invest our respective time. But she is the one.

She gave me the opportunity to fall in love again, and remember that it was worth something. Her belief in love and what it can be saved me. I think she might know this, but not to the extent that I feel it.

I owe you everything and if I didn’t tell you before, or if I didn’t tell you enough, I am telling you now. I love you, and can’t wait for May 10th. You are truly a dream come true.


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