Column 1 – Part 2

My Grandpa after the fact

The few times I saw him after the funeral my grandpa was a mess, but not like you would think. He was just weird, and I felt guilty for wishing him to be the way he used to because things were different.

For the first time ever it wasn’t always enjoyable to be around him, and shame on me, he wasn’t there for my entertainment.

I didn’t really feel much pain over death, to say truthfully, I always felt like there wasn’t anything anyone could do, so why fret over it too much. Grandma was a great woman, and had lived a great life, and that is how I will remember it, but pain never found a crack to seep into.

The following summer

The winter semester came and went and then summer came. It was hard to believe it had been that long since my grandma was gone, but college goes by quick, and it is hard to notice much of anything more than 16 credit hours.

My summer job was landscaping. I made great money but I paid the price of my first outside summer job in dehydration and allergic reaction to anything green. Then as I toiled in the hot sun over paver bricks, already miserable from the work and the weather, I got called inside by my employer. I was working for my friend’s mom and, let me tell you, she was on MY hit list. I would have given anything to have not received the message from her.

I got a call from my parents, seems Grandpa had a heart attack, but he was alright. It was kind of funny how typical it was, I never pictured it to be anything but, a strange call during an already terrible day making it even worse.

Something was going on that night, and I figured since he was alright, that I could just see him later. But Sarah and I did go and see him, I think there was a possibility that, without her there, that I wouldn’t have.

He looked fine, a little more naked than I would have preferred, but you know, good for an old guy. I had drawn him a picture and told him it was time to start running, ha ha. Funny guy I am.

I am more thankful that I went to see him that night. I was one of the few people, because of how close I was (location,) that got to see him. The next day Grandpa was gone, a blood clot in the night put him in a coma in which he would not recover. I have yet to.

When my grandma passed away, that was a sprained ankle to the painted picture I had for my wedding. I thought it would be a little weird, Grandpa hanging by himself, maybe crying a little, but it would still be cool to walk back to him, shake his hand with a smile and hug. But when my grandpa passed away, that was like a broken leg. I couldn’t picture my wedding without him. And I still can’t really.

How I miss them

Sarah and I were talking about her shower not too long ago and how Linda had shared her wedding experiences with her. How she told grandpa “Don’t tell me I’m pretty, don’t tell me I look nice…” and the whole gooshy thing goes on for hours. But I was reminded that grandpa wasn’t going to be there.

I teared up for him a little, just once of the half a dozen times I have since he left, and the two and half days I wept to the point of nausea right after the fact. I miss my grandpa and would give anything to have him here for the wedding. It was my first taste of what death could be, and in two years my three grandparents had passed away, so it became more like a swallow. The one thing about Grandpa was that his advice always felt like it was coming from a friend and not an authoritative figure. I always felt so much like him, and that I would be just like him at that age.

His words

These were two of the things he said that have stuck with me in particular. The first was that I could treat my girlfriend better. I always thought he saw his shortcomings in me and even though he couldn’t really prevent his own, he could try to correct them through me. Kind of like that was his job. The second thing that stuck with me was what he told Sarah the Easter before he left.

“We expect big things of him.”

I was the firstborn of the grand kids, and I never take that for granted. I got the most of my grandparents and felt a little obligated to set the bar.

So I wanted to take this time to say to him, I miss you Grandpa, so damn much. I have so many faults, but I am going to dedicate my life to Sarah and trying to overcome them. And we will be great, together. So to some extent, I would like to dedicate this site to you. To let you know, that I still hope to be just like you when I am old and that, you did your job well.


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